Try, try, try till you succeed

5 weeks of no scolding.  I was feeling pretty proud of myself.  I still am.  5 WEEKS.  I did not so much as raise my voice once.  Every time she pushed my buttons, I tried to remember that she was not giving me a hard time, she was having a hard time.  And I succeeded.  So many times over those 5 weeks, a yell welled up to my throat but I managed to hold it in and whisper instead.  And then it happened.  The inevitable.  It was just a matter of time.  Both of us were having a terrible day on the same day.  I was stressed and so was she.  She pushed and pushed and pushed.  I tried and tried and tried.  And finally I gave in.  I raised my voice.  She kept pushing.  I warned her.  She pushed some more.  And then I yelled.  And while I yelled, I hated the sound of it.  I hated the feeling.  I hated the throbbing in my head.  I hated the burn in my throat.  I hated the look on her face.  I hated the tears welling up in her eyes.  I hated the way I felt and I hated the way I made her feel.   But, I’m not giving up.  E.V.E.R.   I intend to start again and this time around I intend to do a better job of remembering that she’s not giving me a hard time.  She is having a hard time.    


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