I was just skimming through my blog today. I know! That’s how weird I am…I actually deliberately spend some time every once in a while reading older posts on my own blog!! Just in case you are curious to know why, I do that to keep track of what I’ve been writing about and sometimes to keep track of the umpteen promises I might have made and, may I add, not kept. For example, during my skimming session today, I discovered that 7 posts (and 8 months) ago I’d promised I would upload some pictures and write about my trip to India. Neither of those things got done and now it’s too late. So, let’s just agree to agree that my awesomeness doesn’t diminish in the slightest measure just because I didn’t keep this one promise, okay? Of course, there needs to be a statutory law around the steady status of my awesomeness, but we will work on that later. For now let’s just move on.
This week is my last week at school. Gosh! I will miss my D terribly. He’s a sweet little kid except when he ignores me or throws a tantrum and kicks and spits and hits and bites. There have even been occasions when he’d been shouting out cuss words in Mandarin and I’d no idea. I just sat there feeling proud of the progress this little boy had made and how wonderfully he was participating in class and answering questions. It wasn’t until the Chinese teacher lost her patience and yelled at him to stop that I realised what was actually going on! Of course, he ended up missing 15 minutes of play time but I wonder if that actually works. There are kids who have missed their entire playtime for days in a row and still get into trouble for the same reasons. Anyway, despite everything I love that kid so much, I miss him already. He is a wonderful child who just ended up being served the rotten stinking end of a deal; a deal that he had no say in whatsoever. What’s even worse? All this for no fault of his. So, his anger towards the world is justified. And I look at it like this: If we can’t protect him and give him a sense of security, we have no right to complain.
Anyway, as sad as I am about leaving my D, I am happy I don’t have to go to school anymore. There will be no more waking up at 5:30 a.m. No more 6 a.m. showers. No more toast-for-breakfast-7-days-a-week. No more guilt about not being able to get to school by 8:00 am. No more guilt about not spending enough time with Ka. No more guilt about losing tempers because of stress at work (Clarification: special emphasis on “because of stress at work”. So, temper will definitely be lost, just for a different reason is all). No more guilt about getting migraines. No more guilt about having to leave school early. Didn’t you know? I am the Queen of Guilt Land! So, that’s where I spend more than half my life.
Amma always says that I hated school until I was in 3rd grade or so. I cried every single day when I left home in the morning. What she doesn’t know is that I hated school for the most part. The crying stopped but not the hating. And now I know why. I know exactly why. A (traditional) school is, as far as I am concerned, the saddest place in the world and I would give an arm and a leg to stay out of there forever. Fortunately for me, it hasn’t come to that. This time around I can stay out of that godforsaken place and still keep my limbs. I’ll be out of there in a couple of days when my ‘headless chicken‘ days will commence. Now, all I have to do is have a solid plan in place for when the much dreaded headless chicken days come to an end. I have a feeling that this time it will be slightly better coz I know which direction I need to head in. Now, all I need to do is let the panic and fret and worry run its course. And then like a bad a case of flu, my body will win the battle and I will be able to get back on track and focus on my most important goals in life: studying and cleaning…