me

Can I Have a New One Please?

I wonder.  Is there anywhere on earth where they have exchange offers on human brains?  I would like to trade mine in for a little more dull and boring one, if possible.

Did you know that jaggery can be found only in three places on earth? A small provisions store somewhere near the beach at Fort Kochi, a uranium mine in Australia and the Amazon forests of South America.  At least that is what I was told.  Since I was in Kochi at that time, I decided to try my luck there.  But alas! I walked and I walked and I kept going round and round the garden like a teddy bear but never found the place.  Then I thought it might just be easier to walk from Fort Kochi to the uranium mines of Australia!  So I walked all the way there.  But by the time I got there, I was so tired and thirsty, I had to have a drink of water.  And so I woke up feeling tired and thirsty, expecting myself to be in Australia and spending about 5-10 seconds wondering where the hell I was before realising that I was in the safety of my own home, in my own bed, with my own husband (thank the God that doesn’t exist for that!!)   🙂

Then, the very next day, I went for a job interview.  As a lion trainer.  Ka was with me at the interview and they gave us raw ground meat to eat. It was basically ‘Lion food’.  I have no idea why it needed to be ground but as Poochi likes to say, “thas house”, read ‘that’s how it is’!  Since I don’t like wasting food (even in my bloody dreams!! Oh Boy! The effect parents have on kids are indeed long-lasting…), I forced myself to eat it but Ka wouldn’t stop complaining. In fact she distracted me so much that despite repeated warnings from the interviewer, I ended up not participating in the discussion at all.  The interviewer felt so insulted that he hired me, the logic being this; he was convinced that I knew nothing about training lions and he wanted me to get eaten by a lion on my first day at work.  How do I know?  Well…he told me so.  To my face.  Just before he left me locked in the building with his secretary.  I have no idea why Mr. M wasn’t in the picture at all but out of desperation I begged the secretary to take care of Ka.  Unfortunately she could do nothing to help me as she herself had been trapped in the building for nearly 2 years, not having been able to so much as see her own children in that time.  I just sat there wondering what to do, holding Ka in my arms and crying.  I woke up feeling sad and drained and wondering where the hell I was (again!!!).  It took me about 10 seconds to realize yet another time, that I was in the safety of my own home, in my own bed, with my own husband (thank you again, non-existent God!!)

Mr. M has diagnosed me with Hyper-Active Imaginationitis!  And I don’t have a good enough argument against that.  The fact remains that I wake up at least 4-5 days in a week expecting to be in an ice cave in Antarctica, or a mine in Australia or in a tree house in Africa or locked in a big vacant building waiting to be eaten by a Lion or in a parking garage watching my grandma playing hopscotch, or in the hollow of a tree with a couple of owls.  There was that time when I just stood on the road, watching a monstrosity of a vehicle hurtling on towards me and not moving an inch to get out of its way…just standing there, shaking all over and waiting for it to run me over. I woke up shaking all over and seeing that same vehicle in my bedroom after I had woken up.  Then there was this time when my leg was being amputated with a craft knife for not drinking enough water or some ridiculous reason like that. I woke up in excruciating pain which faded away in a few minutes.  Anyway, the bottom line is that I have extremely vivid and unpleasant dreams (not the prettiest combination you could hope for) and most days I wake up scared, or drained, or in pain or startled or tired or thirsty or dizzy or sad.  Then I spend a few confusing, disoriented seconds trying to figure out where I am and then wondering if I just woke up from a dream or into one!  So, if you ever hear of a black friday or christmas sale for human brains, you know who to pass that piece of information on to 😉

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