me

Sleeplessness

It’s 3:30am. Why am I up? I have a long day ahead and I need the rest. I have a 3 year old to take care of. I need to wake up early in the morning and do what a good wife and mother does. Cook, clean, drive the husband and the daughter to work and school respectively. Sew. Pay bills. Study. Send e-mails about appointments I can’t keep because something has come up.
Besides all of these, I have one very important thing to do. I have to chase my dreams. That in itself is a lot of work. Stressful. Especially when you are not even sure which dream to chase. Hard to keep doing when you are getting nowhere with any of them. I don’t even know which of my dreams mean anything to me anymore. Like I said earlier, its OK to change one’s mind. I think change is good. But there are 3 totally unrelated things in my life that I believe mean a lot to me. I am a dancer with a flare for designing and a very keen interest in Psychology. Life happened and I never got to get good at any of these. Now at 27, after being a housewife for 6 years, with a 3 year old doll for a daughter, here I am, up at 3:30 in the morning, wondering what to do with my life. Tough call. Especially for a person like me…. As of now, I think dancing is ruled out thanks to a busted knee, psychology will take forever and I doubt I have the bandwidth for that. So, I am just left with letting the designing ‘bhoot‘ ride piggy-back on me and I sure do hope, this guy doesn’t let go and fall off somewhere along the way.
Well…I guess writing helps. Two paragraphs earlier I was wondering what I was doing up so early. Now I not only know why I am up, but also what I want to do with my life. Wow! That’s quite an achievement. Guess I’ll just be happy with that for now and leave it at that.
Good(rest of the)night…..
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